Stop apologizing

Yael Ben-David
2 min readAug 16, 2023


I have been apologized to so. many. times. recently. Surprisingly, my men at least as much as women. And every time it’s for not getting back to me sooner. Most of these apologies were sent less than 24 hours from my original message. I didn’t expect a response that quickly!

People have lives. I want the people in my life to have lives. I do not want the people in my life to be glued to their devices and see my message immediately, or feel pressure when I reach out. I’d rather them see me pop up in their inbox and not feel stress.

Also, some of these were replies to me asking for a favor. Why does the giver feel indebted?

So unless you work in an ER and turned up later to the emergency page than you could have, in which case an apology is useless anyway, there’s really no need to be sorry.

If you’re apologizing because your turnaround wasn’t fast enough, I’m wondering what that says about you — are you actually slow or are you chill and/or busy and prioritizing beautifully and a given reply just wasn’t at the top of the list?

What does it say about the people you are replying to — are they under external pressure that is not a reflection of your speed at all? Are they intrinsically stressed out? Is the pressure an actual expression of how they feel about you or the matter at hand, or founded in real need? Is the fact that they cause you to feel the need to rush and/or apologize something you should step back and address holistically?

All I’m saying is that I’ve been apologized to a lot recently, needlessly, and I just want to hug all those people and let them know we’re all good, and also climb up on a soap box (blog) and preach that we all have permission to slow down and chill out. Be kind to yourselves. You’re doing great.